Elementary, dear Harry
by Aello
Summary: Harry and Ron are awed: something nasty is going on. Remus Lupin is missing his DADA class and obviously Severus Snape has to do with it...


Title: Elementary, dear Harry!  
  
Author: Aello  
  
Date: 28.-31.03.2003  
  
Pairing: Severus Snape/Remus Lupin  
  
Summary: Harry and Ron are awed: something really nasty is going on. Remus Lupin is missing his class and obviously Severus Snape has to do with it...  
  
Rating: R  
  
A/N: I can't thank my higher might enough I found this way to deal with rage and anger! Plotted out of sheer desperation and something that was really far beyond rage (I'm a Taurus!) But sitting down and considering it again (nasty thing, second thoughts...) I decided, giving into my rage was way too ... uncivilised. And immediately I came up with a funny twist. Times like these do not need any more revenge so this turned from a Jacobean bloody drama to a kinky comedy. Be kind with your reviews. Probably I should add, I've had an overdose of "Frasier" lately... Yes, these Crane-boys thrillers seem to be addictive. -;  
  
A/N II: If you'd like to read the missing scences, please review - if there's enough input, I might be doing the missing scenes and send them to you via e-mail - since ffnet forbids to upload NC-17 material... (-:  
  
Dedications: Thanks to Steffi for providing me with all these Frasier episodes. See, it does no good. Oh, and thanks for that visit to the pub in the "aftermath" of that stupid ... hm... "conversation"... I had with... you-know-who... (-;  
  
***  
  
A golden sun shone from the azure sky over the grounds of Hogwarts. By the Quidditch pitch Madame Hooch was teaching a class of first years the basics of Quidditch while the Slytherin team high in the air made their jokes about the greenhorns. Harry, Ron and Hermione hurried from Hagrid's cabin back to the school building.  
  
"Hurry, boys!" Hermione shouted. "We mustn't miss the beginning of the DADA class."  
  
"Come on, Herm," Ron panted. "It's Remus Lupin and..."  
  
Hermione stopped and shot a punishing gaze at the red-haired boy. "He will not be pleased if we're late."  
  
Harry said nothing and only shook his head.  
  
In silence they entered the building and hurried down to the DADA classroom.  
  
"See," Ron grinned at Hermione as they sat down. "We've made it just in time before he's there." But even after they've waited for some time, Remus Lupin didn't show up.  
  
Harry nervously bit his lip. "I wonder what's up with him."  
  
"It can't be the ..." Hermione whispered, looking around. "Moon."  
  
"You're right." Harry agreed. "But..."  
  
"What?" Ron wanted to know.  
  
"Snape's been behaving strangely around him for some time now. Yesterday I've overheard him threatening Lupin."  
  
Ron's and Hermione's eyes widened. "What did he say?"  
  
"I can't quite remember... but it didn't sound very inviting to me." Harry frowned. "Maybe we should have a look..."  
  
Before Hermione even had the chance to give her point of view and an extract from the rules of the house, Harry and Ron exchanged a quick gaze and hurried out of the room.  
  
Silently they rushed through the corridors, towards the Potions class room.  
  
"I bet, it's Snape keeping Lupin in the dungeon. Who knows what he does to that poor creature." Ron growled low. "And after what you've overheard yesterday..."  
  
They stopped in front of the class room. Placing their ears on the heavy wooden door they tried to figure out, if Snape was in his class or not. Harry wasn't quite convinced, the sound alone was proof Snape and his class were in the room or not. If they were about to brew their potions and Snape sneaked about them with billowing robes, silencing any possible conversation with a menacing gaze, there'd not be likely any sound.  
  
"What if he's in the Potions room?" Harry wanted to know, his ear still glued to the door.  
  
"What if who's in the Potions room?" Suddenly a dark, velvety voice asked out of nowhere. Awed Harry and Ron turned their heads and looked up to - Snape.  
  
"What keeps two brave Gryffindors from attending their DADA classes?" Snape asked silkily and focused his menacing gaze on Harry. Dark eyes locked on green and Harry swallowed. "Well, Mr Potter may think it unnecessary to attend a class held by a..." He stopped and the shadow of a devilish smile fell over his face for a moment. "Wizard less competent than the boy who lived and faced the Dark Lord so many times he barely can count them with his fingers." Slowly he turned his head and sized up a gulping Ron. "And probably Mr Weasley has enough practice, considering his brothers the staff of Hogwarts had the honour to try to teach."  
  
"Professor!" Harry shouted.  
  
"Yes, Mr Potter?" Snape turned to Harry again. "Before you make a speech that may cost your house more than ten points for each of you already, will you please consider that I might as well order you to detention for the rest of the Quidditch Saison?"  
  
Harry bit back a sarcastic comment and decided, possibly winning the Quidditch cup was more satisfying than now shouting at his professor. Instead he told Snape why they were there.  
  
"We just were looking for Professor Lupin, Professor Snape."  
  
"And that would be in the potions class, Mr Potter?" Snape raised a brow. "If your sense of direction is that bad at Quidditch, its no wonder you're not winning the cup."  
  
Harry inhaled sharp, but managed to not comment on that and he tugged at Ron's hem to also keep his friend from replying something nasty.  
  
"Well," Harry finally said. "Then we'd better be heading for the ... er... staff room and have a look for Professor Lupin there. Thanks Professor Snape." He tugged again Ron's robe, to hint his friend to follow him.  
  
"None of that," Snape stopped the boys. "You'll immediately go back to your class room and I will look for Professor Lupin."  
  
The way he said the DADA teacher's name, made both boys shiver.  
  
Then Snape silently added, "I think I know where to look."  
  
Looking at each other both of them expected the worst. Snape put one hand on each boy's shoulder and slowly pushed them away.  
  
Though they were curious as anything, they didn't dare to look back over their shoulders to see, where Snape was heading.  
  
Slowly Snape turned on his heels and headed down to his office in the dungeon.  
  
*  
  
Slowly Severus Snape raised his brow and the corner of his mouth crinkled treacherously. "So," He drawled dangerously low and crossed his arms behind his back. "Think you can fool me?" When after a moment there was no reply, he shook his head and put his arms behind his back. With slow, measured steps he circled his dark, huge desk on which his prey lay in wait for him. His black robes billowed about him and made a soft swooshing sound on the raw stone floor.  
  
"The longer you resist me, the harder it gets." He stated, still rounding the desk and his prey. "Why don't you just give up and let me..." He stopped and turned to face the desk. "Oh, I know." He nodded knowingly and slowly stepped closer. "You like it the rough way." He smacked his lips. "You want me to rip away the pretty cover everybody sees and admires. I know, what lies beneath... I know what's under there... what you keep so well hidden under theses layers you use to distract the world..."  
  
Still there was no reply.  
  
"I could..." Snape slowly pulled his right hand from his back. The hem of the dark robe slid upwards and revealed more of the sallow skin on his bony forearm. A slender hand slid into the deep folds of the robe and produced a short dagger. The elegant weapon, looking like a snake, was made of silver and carried a dark-green gem between the blade and the handle. Raising the dagger, Snape let the blade slowly slide over his cheek. "... use this dagger to teach you compliance. Now, could I?"  
  
When his prey didn't reply, Snape let the dagger sink and let out a soft sigh. The furrow on his forehead deepened and he didn't seem to be pleased with his prey's reaction. Suddenly he raised his hand again. The blade reflected the sunlight for a short moment then Snape stabbed the dagger down. A sharp, crackling sound followed, but no cry. Satisfied with his work, Snape lovingly gazed at the snakelike dagger and slowly licked the blade with obvious joy in his eyes.  
  
"Merlin, what a decadent pleasure..." He sighed and closing his eyes he exhaled deeply. Opening his eyes again he raised the dagger again and repeatedly stabbed at his prey. He didn't seem to follow a special pattern, he let the blade sink into his prey again and again, each stab causing a sharp crack.  
  
"See, now you're broken." He whispered and sighed.  
  
Suddenly the door was opened and startled Snape turned his head, the dagger still in his hand. A dark blonde, dishevelled head appeared and Snape noticed his visitor.  
  
Remus Lupin closed the door and rested his back against the wood. "You're doing it again." He stated, his face brightened by obvious amusement as Snape blushing tried to hide the dagger behind his back. Lupin pushed himself off the door and walked towards Snape.  
  
"Doing what?" Snape asked, obviously having regained his ability to speak. It confused him, how easily Remus Lupin managed to tumble down his defences and leave him speechless. There also was a huge portion of amazement and adoration, but he'd never had admitted that to anyone, let alone Lupin.  
  
Lupin smiled and pointed at the mess on the desk. "This."  
  
Snape quickly dropped the dagger on the desk and cleared his throat. "Oh. This."  
  
"Can't you eat your chocolate the ordinary way?" Lupin wanted to know and reached for a small piece of the brown sweetness. His eyes locked on Snape, he sucked the chocolate into his mouth. Amused he registered Snape's pupils dilate and slowly licked his fingers clean. Snape was so easy to read, once one managed to break that shell of the austere persona Snape had trained himself to be. Lupin smacked his lips. "But then," He gave Snape a seductive smile. "You're not an ordinary person. Have you been angry 'bout someone?"  
  
Snape raised his brow, and after a moment's considering what Lupin said, he replied. "You're not ordinary, either. Why you're not in your DADA class?"  
  
Lupin smiled and reached for another piece of chocolate. "Thanks. You haven't answered my question."  
  
"You haven't answered mine, too."  
  
Tugging at his lips with his fingers, Lupin looked at Snape. "I've got a headache and thought I should ask you for a potion."  
  
Frowning Snape sized up Lupin. "Your lycantrophy?" He asked concerned. The Wolfsbane potion he brewed for the werewolf was supposed to suppress all nasty side effects of his lycantrophy.  
  
Lupin shook his head. "I don't think so, the full moon was only five days ago..."  
  
"Come here," Snape ordered. "Let me feel your temperature. Probably you caught a cold or something like that?" He raised his hand to Lupin's head and placed his palm against the wizard's forehead. "No. Feels normal..." He paused and slid his hand down to Lupin's neck. Carefully he pressed his index and middle finger into the hollow under ear and next to the jaw. "Your lymphs seem to be alright." With his thumb he pulled down the lid of Lupin's left eye. "Eyes are okay, too."  
  
Lupin patiently kept still while Snape examined him. It was strange to be treated this way by his colleague and lover. When Snape seemed to be satisfied and convinced, Lupin was okay, the werewolf released a soft sigh.  
  
"Probably you just stayed up too long, old boy." Snape softly said and petted Lupin's cheek. "You look tired."  
  
"You still haven't answered my question, too." Lupin caught Snape's gaze and locked his own yellow with the other wizard's black eyes. He didn't like being mothered by Snape. Not just because they were romantically involved. He just didn't like the thought of being ill and having to depend on someone. Being a lycantroph and having to depend on the potion Snape brewed for him was bad enough already.  
  
Snape sighed and cleared his throat. "The usual." His hand casually came to rest on Lupin's shoulder and he gently started to knead the wizard's neck.  
  
For a moment they looked at each other in silence. Over the past months they had come to a silent agreement. Both knew, Snape would never grow really close to Harry. Lupin wouldn't try to befriend them and Snape would never ask about any private lessons Lupin taught Harry after classes.  
  
"I see," Lupin stated. "May I have my potion now? I need to go."  
  
Snape smiled and increased the pressure on Lupin's neck. Wincing Lupin tried to unwind from Snape's grip. "Are you mad?" He cried.  
  
"Sorry." Snape excused. "Just an idea I had." Gently he rubbed the patch of muscle he just hurt with his strong grip. "You're just very braced. Your muscles seem to be sore, and that's the cause for your headache. Been up late last night?"  
  
Lupin nodded. "Grading essays."  
  
Gently Snape placed his other hand on Lupin's second shoulder and with slow, circling motions started to massage the wizard's shoulders. Releasing a soft, pleased sigh, Remus dropped his hands and rested his forehead against Snape's head.  
  
"I should go now to see my class." He stated weakly, starting to enjoy the sensual treatment. "I'm late already."  
  
"Well, then just let me and enjoy it for a few minutes. It wouldn't do any good, if you'd try to teach with your terrible headache." Snape whispered and continued his task at hand. He knew they only had a few, rare minutes and was determined to make the most of it.  
  
"Do you think you can spare a few hours for me tonight?" He asked and placed a soft kiss on Lupin's temple. "I miss you..."  
  
"I don't know..." Lupin sighed. "Still so many essays to grade. Essays I should have been grading already a week ago..." He didn't know how to manage to finish all his work without a time-turner. There were essays to grade, classes to prepare, extra curricular lessons for Harry and other things concerning school's affairs. Although he missed the late night talks in front of the fireplace with Severus, these talks that usually were continued in the large, comfortable bed of his or his lover's rooms, he just couldn't afford to spend one single hour on anything else but on his tasks. "Maybe next week I'll have more time... I'm sorry..."  
  
Snape pulled away his head and softly smiled. "What a pity..." He placed a gentle kiss on Lupin's cheek. "I *really* missed you..." To underline his words, he pressed his frame against Lupin's. "And I know something that could cure you from your headache." His voice was dark and low.  
  
"I really should be off..." Lupin groaned, and reached his arms around Snape's waist. Snape knew how he loved to be persuaded, loved the way, Snape made him feel wanted and adored, something he missed for a long time in his life. But Snape also knew, what a responsible teacher he was. "I... my class is waiting..."  
  
"You don't sound very convinced." Snape whispered and slid his hands down Lupin's back. Two strong hands grabbed Lupin's buttock cheeks and gave them a hard squeeze. His wet mouth slid over Lupin's jaw and down the neck. Without a warning he parted his lips and he sucked in a fold of the soft, just massaged flesh. Lupin's eyes flew open and his gaze fell on the chocolate on the desk. With a low moan he tightened his embrace and as an unusual idea formed in his mind, a smile flashed on his face.  
  
"You're very convincing." He whispered and shuddered under Snape's sensual assault. "But if I agree to stay now, it's only at my conditions..."  
  
Snape sunk his teeth into Lupin's neck, bit down hard and then let go of him. "And what exactly is it, you'd like to do?"  
  
Slowly Lupin's hand slid down on the front row of buttons on Snape's robe. He raised his brow and with his head pointed towards the table. "You'll see..."  
  
*  
  
"Excuse me, Albus," Snape forced himself to keep his voice low and even. His eyes burned with fury and his hands, clenching into the arm rests of the chair, trembled slightly. "Exactly *what* did the boy tell you?"  
  
Albus Dumbledore, sitting behind his huge desk, brushed his beard and gave the Potions Master an amused smile. "He was quite concerned considering Remus Lupin's soundness and sanity." He stopped, waiting for the tall wizard's reaction.  
  
"And why, for Merlin's sake, should that brat suddenly be so concerned about his teacher's, as you put it, soundness and sanity?" It took all of his self discipline, not to jump up from his chair to hurry to the Gryffindor dormitory to give said brat a good spanking for being so nosy.  
  
Dumbledore managed to keep a broad grin off his face. Severus Snape was a very severe man, he hated to be ridiculed and being laughed at now would only upset him more. "Minerva found him quite distracted in his transfigurations class but he wouldn't spit what bothered him. After some persuasion he finally shared his observations with her."  
  
Snape sat up straight in his chair. "What observations?" The furrow on his forehead dangerously deepened while he wondered what the boy might have seen and concluded. Nobody of the staff and none of the students knew about him and Lupin. It was a mostly private matter and they would keep it private. No one's but their business. Had they been careless in some way?  
  
"Alas, it's no secret you and Remus Lupin aren't the best friends. Especially since that incident two years ago when..." Dumbledore made a merciful pause and waved his hand. "You know."  
  
Snape remembered only too well. He had been hurt in his pride and acted on impulse. Something he'd hardly done before and lived to regret later.  
  
"And your relation with him wasn't the best when he returned at the beginning of this year." Dumbledore went on and leaned back.  
  
"But what exactly were these observations, our little celebrity made?" Snape rushed Dumbledore, sounding impatient.  
  
"Oh, yes." The older wizard smiled at his Potions Master through the half moon glasses. "He mentioned a conversation he overheard yesterday night. You seemed to be threatening Remus Lupin."  
  
Snape was puzzled. And then he remembered. On his late night tour through deserted corridors he had met Remus by accident on his way to the kitchen to get some midnight snack. And used the chance to whisper some sweet nonsense into his hard-working lover' ear. His ears suddenly felt hot as he remembered what he had promised to do when Remus would visit him as soon as he could afford the time. "Make it two more nights without him and it is a thread..." He mumbled absentmindedly.  
  
"Excuse me," Dumbledore asked but Snape shook his head.  
  
"Nothing, Albus." He cleared his throat and shifted on the chair. "What else?"  
  
"Then Remus Lupin wasn't there at the beginning of his class. The boys went to look for him, but you caught them and sent them back, telling, you'd know where he'd be."  
  
Snape clenched his teeth. He had definitely been too lax with taking only ten points from each of them. Could he have foreseen what they would do, he'd made it 50 or better 100 for each. "Go on." He snarled.  
  
"Well. When Remus finally made it to his class, he seemed to be out of breath."  
  
Hoping, his face wouldn't give away his memories of what happened in his office only minutes before Remus returned to his class, Snape slowly nodded. "Oh, did he?"  
  
Dumbledore sized up Snape and then continued. "Yes, and he seemed to be utterly distracted."  
  
"Oh, well, and what is my part in this?" Snape asked, pretending not to know.  
  
"You'll see." Dumbledore sighed. "After the class Harry and his friends went to talk to Lupin and they spied a suspicious mark at his neck."  
  
Snape felt hot and cold shudders run up and down his spine. He should have known better than to give Remus a hickey. Foolish action that could now ruin all. Nervously shifting on his chair he waited for the headmaster to continue.  
  
"And when you entered the Hall for lunch they've spied dried blood at your sleeves and at the corners of your mouth. And Harry was concerned, Lupin was right when he gave away your secret just like you did his."  
  
Dumbfound Snape stared at the headmaster, trying to grasp the information he just got. Rubbing his temples, he drew a few deep breaths. Raising his head, he looked at Dumbledore. "Excuse me, I must have been temporarily ... out of my mind..." He shook his head. "Let me summarise in my own words." Dumbledore nodded and Snape leaned back.  
  
"Lupin was late for class and when he was there, he had a... mark at his neck." He made a theatrical pause and waved his hands. "And what exactly is my role in this absurd play?"  
  
"Harry thinks, you're a vampire."  
  
It took Snape a few moments until the message sunk in. "He thinks - what?"  
  
"He thinks, you're a vampire." Dumbledore repeated with obvious amusement.  
  
Snape's gaze went unfocussed and he just sat in his chair. For a moment he considered, it was a joke, Albus displayed at him. But as he looked up and focussed his gaze on the headmaster, he realised it couldn't be. Then anger welled up in him. The boy caused nothing but trouble. Nothing but. Trouble.  
  
"Why, for Merlin's sake should a vampire bite a werewolf?" Snape barked and jumped onto his feet. Angrily pacing though the headmaster's office he went on talking. "That would be a very, very stupid or desperate vampire, no?" He glanced over to Dumbledore, who just grinned at him.  
  
"Will you sit down, Severus, please?"  
  
Fighting down his anger towards Harry, Snape obeyed and sat back down again. It wouldn't do any good to shout at someone who wasn't even there. And Albus would never tolerate any bad word on the boy who lived. Remus would be not so pleased, too, if he unleashed his anger upon the boy.  
  
"I don't know, how the boy came to think this." Snape started, carefully picking his words. "But I can assure you, headmaster, neither have I threatened Remus Lupin, nor would I do so." He paused and quickly added: "If I'd suspect any brave Gryffindor nearby to overhear such a conversation." Albus expected him to dislike Remus, so he would keep his cover. "My relations with Remus Lupin on a professional level are like the relations I have with all other colleagues. Except Sybil Trelawney maybe. She's the most incompetent witch I ever met. Apart from the most incompetent wizard named Neville Longbottom and Gilderoy Lockhart maybe." The last sentences he mumbled, looking down at his lap. He knew very well, Albus also didn't like talking bad about colleagues or students.  
  
"I don't know what the boy thought to have observed and concluded." He couldn't manage to keep a slight hint of disdain from his voice. Noticing, he might be sound too harsh, he softened his voice. "But I can assure you, I wouldn't do any harm to Remus Lupin." The pause between Remus' first and last name was a bit too long, and Snape hoped, Albus hadn't noticed.  
  
Looking up he found Dumbledore gazing at him, a smile still tugging at the corners of his mouth.  
  
"You know, Severus." The older wizard started and brushed his beard. "I also have - observed and - concluded." Dumbledore paused and held Snape's gaze for a long moment. "I am not a fifteen year old boy whose emotions and senses are easily to be fooled. I have learned to tell blood from dried chocolate." He chuckled as Snape stared at him sceptically. "I also have learned to tell faked cold acceptance from," He winked. "A more deeper, honest emotion."  
  
Snape's mouth fell open, but no word came out. He was too surprised to know what to think of this.  
  
"It is absolutely none of my business, what the teachers are doing in their leisure time." He raised his brow and his voice got the slightest touch of reprimand one can imagine and Snape's sallow cheeks blushed. "As long as they manage to be in time for classes and such." He stopped and nodded at Snape. "Do you understand, my boy?"  
  
Feeling taken back in time, Snape nodded. "Yes, headmaster."  
  
"Well, then..." Dumbledore got up from his chair and gently shoved Snape towards the stairs. "You can tell Harry to come back in, so I can assure him, everything's alright." He gave Snape a smile and returned to his chair.  
  
Slowly Snape climbed down the stairs. Outside the office Harry and his friends were still waiting.  
  
"The headmaster is waiting for you, Mr Potter." He snarled, his face unreadable to the kids. Hurrying down the corridor he caught Ron's surprised cry "Dumbledore let him go?" and Hermione's "Didn't I tell you this was ridiculous? But you never listen to me!", then disappeared from their view behind a corner.  
  
*  
  
Snape hadn't told Remus about his plan. He wouldn't have liked it. But the boy definitely needed to have his enthusiasm damped. Though long ago he had joined the Death Eaters because he disliked Muggles, over the years he had become familiar with their culture and even started to like it. Not all of it, just a few, classic bits. Literature. There was some thing about these books they called thriller. And the best ones he ever had read, not that he would ever admit it to anyone, were those books about a guy named Sherlock Holmes. If he had been a wizard, he would be a Slytherin. Such an extraordinary power of deduction!  
  
As usual he had waited for the class to settle, then he had stormed into the room.  
  
"There had been some confusion," He started, leaning against his desk and crossing his arms in front of his chest. His eyes wandered across the room. "About things I was reputed to have said and done to a part of the teaching body." His eyes came to rest on Harry. "Someone watched and thought instead of observing and concluding." With satisfaction he realised how Harry nervously shifted on his chair. Pushing himself off, he reached for the book, he had placed on the desk. "To make sure, this person won't trouble the headmaster and anybody else again with ridiculous incriminations," He slowly walked towards Harry's desk. "I'd like to provide said person with a handbook." He stopped and looked down on the boy. "One might think, those Muggles that seem to be so scared of magic folk, might have been proud of their culture and shared some of it with you, Mr Potter. Obviously they have not. Well, as it seems, I have to correct that mistake." He released a theatrical sigh and carelessly dropped the book in front of Harry. Turning to walk back to his desk again, he continued. "It's about a fascinating investigator with extraordinary abilities and if you're able to read, do so Mr Potter and never again bother us with your conclusions that miss any factual basis."  
  
He flashed a dangerous smile at Harry and then silenced the curious whispers from those who wanted to know what book it was.  
  
Amused Snape watched Ron's and Harry's confused faces and Hermione's expression of superiority. Pretending not to notice, because he felt, he had cut a deep wound into Harry's pride, he allowed Hermione to explain what he had given to Harry.  
  
The day was saved when he eventually wrote down a red "F" in Harry's column as he graded the potions.  
  
*  
  
"You nasty creature," Remus whispered into the dark and, snuggling even closer, planted a soft kiss on Snape's naked chest.  
  
Completely satisfied with himself and the world, Snape closed his eyes and tightened his grip around Remus' equally naked shoulders. "You knew before you got involved with me, Remus. You knew what evil person I am." He tried to sound dangerous.  
  
"Elementary, Severus." Remus yawned. "The evil person is what you are to them. I did my observations correctly. I'd be slightly irritated if Harry had come to the conclusion you're a fucking loveable person. That had made me quite suspicious."  
  
Both chuckled and Remus raised his head to place a kiss on Snape's cheek.  
  
"And, Sherlock Snape," He playfully whispered into Snape's ear.  
  
"Yes, Doctor Lupin?" Snape whispered back.  
  
"Would you please benevolently note that I have never read one line of that Holmes stuff?"  
  
The end 


End file.
